Electric Ladyland

A haiku and a gratitude 10.28.08

Today's haiku:

Morning dark as night
Rain mussing strands of my hair
Passing Nor'easter

And a gratitude:

To be reminded anew that something as simple as an unexpected, broad smile from someone else can instantly lighten your mood and put you in a happier frame of mind.  That happened to me today and it was most welcome.  Being on the giving end of such smiles more often than not, or so I'm told, it is also awfully nice to receive them when I'm not in the best of spirits. Turns things around.

A haiku and a gratitude - 10.26.08

Today's haiku:

Clear light and blue skies
Strolling lazily today
Manju and green tea

And my gratitude:

Being able to explore the things that I like the most.  Case in point, Mom and I took a fun excursion to Sunrise Mart where I checked out different nabe.  I had plans to buy one and try different dishes like yosenabe this winter.  So we checked out the pottery section for a while.  For some reason almost everything I saw in the grocery section brought me squarely back to the Japan of ten years ago.  Scanning the wafu pasta, konnyaku and katsuobushi, I recalled how everything was once new.  I also remembered how once I had no idea what any of that was.  Now it's familiar and friendly, even to the point where I can try learning to cook Japanese homestyle dishes at home.  So I'm grateful to live in an American city like New York where I can still develop my knowledge of things Japanese.

A haiku and a gratitude - 10.23.08

I've recently gotten into the habit of writing a haiku every now and then.  Nothing of epic grandeur or stunning eloquence but just a dashed impression of whatever has been on my mind.  Lately that's chiefly been baseball.  Now that the (Red Sox) season is over and Thanksgiving is approaching, I thought I'd start up a semi-regular posting:  one haiku, on whatever theme catches my fancy that day, and one thing for which I am grateful. 

So here goes.

Tuscan white bean soup
Calming my nerves this evening
Warm soft light, silence

And what am I grateful for today? 

Inane, snarky heartfelt gestures.  I got two of them, real bang for my buck. 

First one arrived in my work email this morning and it was from my former boss, who is a Yankee fan.  It read: "One condolence deserves another...go Tampa...get used to losing (:"  Ahem.  This was in reply to my "condolence" email after the Yankees had been eliminated from postseason play.  As I told my dad, the rivalry is kinda like the gift that keeps on giving.  I'll take it.  Tampa Bay deserved to win but mohawks (excuse me, Rayhawks) do not a rivalry approach. 

Second inane, snarky and heartfelt gesture was the sudden appearance of several plastic spiders and a miniature plastic skeleton inside my office.  They'd been planted there while I was in a staff meeting.  It took me a while to find all the spiders.  Mmm, arachnids.  How to show you're really thinking of someone.

The pathos of things

So the Red Sox have exited the stage and it is time to accept the fact that winter is advancing.  Perhaps it is not a coincidence that yesterday was the first day the floors in my apartment felt cold underneath my bare feet.  I brought my space heater into the living room while relaxing there in the afternoon until noticing the sound of the season's first radiator hiss emanating from various corners of the apartment.

It is fall and soon there will be no baseball anymore.  I am not being facetious when I say I'm a little sad.  It reminds me of the Japanese expression a Russian recently taught me (and of course a Russian would know such things):  mono no aware, the pathos of things.  There's a wistfulness and contemplative fullness in the empty space here. 

I've instinctively started bundling up, slipping on my favorite soft wool socks and dark blue robe with the little star pattern on it.  Tonight I'm curled up listening to the sound of that space heater whirring while sandalwood incense drifts in the air.  Having recently started writing baseball-themed haiku during the postseason I thought it worthwhile to locate a genuine haiku by none other than Basho to illustrate the sentiment of the moment:

Autumn approaches
And the heart begins to dream
Of four-tatami rooms

When life is as it should be

Good morning. 

It's a lovely, quiet Saturday and I just put Hobex's Payback EP on the stereo.  It's my official lazy getting-up-slowly weekend music.  That dates from the JET Program, when I'd go crash with friends for the weekend in some other nearby city or town in Japan.  We'd party and be silly all night and then slowly resurrect ourselves into something barely presentable but somewhat conversational the next morning.  All with the help of good music and a good breakfast. 

Here's to serenity.  Lately I've been blessed with a lot of it.  These past few weekends have been the very picture of homestyle bliss here at my apartment as I've been thoroughly switching off from the work world and reveling in my own time, the time that belongs solely to me.

It's good.  I've been reading a lot more books lately (Princess Masako: Prisoner of the Chrysanthemum Throne, The Lost Constitution, The Lake and A Public Betrayed), which is always a sign that things are going well in my world. 

Been doing more writing too, both in my journal, where I've been recording my dreams, and in a separate notebook I've been keeping for the lists in my life.  Lists involving of course the mundane daily tasks but also enumerating all my achievements since coming home to the States seven years ago, all that I've accomplished in my job and why I love it, all that I desire to experience in the years to come, and more.  These running lists trap fleeting thoughts and emotions and organize them on paper, making it easier to understand at a glance what I can celebrate and what it is I yearn most to do with my time and talents.  It's been a revelation to see that take shape and it's taught me a lot. 

I also spent a full day tackling my list of fears and answering each one for myself on paper - a sort of FAQ - to give them some consideration and explore how well founded or deeply rooted they might be.  Was pleasantly surprised to find them easy to engage and understand.  Now I feel few limits on my freedom and I've recovered those essential feelings of joy and boundless desire for exploration that used to be hallmarks of my attitude toward the world and my place in it.  My steps are a little lighter and I laugh more easily.

Home is comforting.  I've been spending some wonderful days here lately.  I've always loved my apartment but for some time I was hung up on the idea that I couldn't seem to recover the sense of peace I had growing up at my dad's house in Massachusetts.  There is a kind of silence there that resembles sound in its fullness.  You won't find that in New York City.  I have a memory of often curling up in a recliner with a good book at the end of day knowing that there was nothing else competing for my attention.  All that was before me was that delicious moment of tranquility.  Well, without even trying to recreate that I've managed to bring that back into my life and it is such a joy.

I've been doing more cooking too.  Funny that I could've stayed away from it for so long given how much I love to stir up trouble in the kitchen but looking back over the state of my affairs for the year to date it's not much of a surprise.  I was trapped in a vise where on one side there was Mom's heartbreaking loss of eyesight and on the other the relentless pressures of my job.  No room for error and precious little room for my feelings or what I needed.  I made it through but not without frustration and exhaustion.  I spent the entire month of August just coming down from that.  But here I am having settled back into the full space of my normal life again.  I was on a cold noodle kick (specifically hiyashi-chuuka, zaru-soba and somen) for a few weeks.  I also started trying out different kinds of sake at home thanks to Landmark Wine and Sake (I like Ichi no Kura quite a bit).  Now that the season's changing I'm looking towards recipes for butternut and acorn squash as well as the roast chicken I love to make every fall and winter. 

So two things that make me very, very happy are back as regular features of my daily life:  peaceful time at home and the frequent exploration of new things.  Nothing makes me happier than learning more about the world.

Except maybe getting a new couch in time for the postseason!  I forgot to mention I've been watching a ton of baseball -- fairly typical for this time of year -- and this Thursday is Couch Day, when I will finally get my brand shiny new couch delivered from Crate & Barrel.  I've been living in this apartment for six years and stymied by its awkward, narrow living room for about as long.  Finally took the plunge and bought a couch that should solve the confusion and make it an inviting space in which to lounge around.  Also due for arrival are a media center (for the flat panel TV and its accoutrements) and a storage ottoman with a reversible lid that doubles as a serving tray.  Two soft floor lamps are already in place providing ambient light to the room.  Bit by bit it's coming together and not a moment too soon because I've got a lot of baseball to watch in the next month and a half.

In order to prep for that I've been doing a lot of housecleaning.  More's on tap for today.  There are about five big garbage bags full of clothes, bedding and other household items waiting to be donated and that's just the first round.  I plan to keep going after that since that process has made my apartment so much more functional than it was.  A lot of this stuff has just been taking up space for years with no good reason.  Time for a fresh start.

And so that's the story.  Back to the mellow music and coffee before resuming the work and play that's been making my days more fun!

Sancerre and the Huguenots

My father and I have been big fans of Sancerre ever since discovering it several years back at the Brick Cafe here in Astoria.  I just discovered that it has a Huguenot connection as well.  The town of Sancerre figures prominently in the Wars of Religion according to this article on the Siege of Sancerre.

Gives a Huguenot like myself much to be proud of except for, of course, the accounts of the devastation people endured during the time the town was under siege by Catholic forces.  I do find it interesting that the article references Henri IV at the end as well.  He was one of France's best-loved kings and a Huguenot.  He remained Protestant for much of his life until converting to Catholicism after taking the throne.

By chance I ended up learning much about him and the Huguenot cause during the summer I spent studying French in Pau, the city of his birth.  I was the only French-American kid among all students in the program and, on top of that, a Protestant as well.  Had no idea that my interest in learning the language of my heritage would connect me with much more than syntax, pronunciation and grammar but also a sense of the times that had led to my own family's decision to flee the country. 

Like many Huguenot refugees we settled in the Netherlands during the 16th century.  From there a pair of brothers came to the United States during the Gold Rush and began the American branch of our family.  Still Protestant to this day.  I wonder who it was who made the initial choice to leave the Catholic Church.  Was it a conversion of faith or of political opportunity?  What was the motivation?  I still wonder that today because although I may not practice much I find it fascinating that one person's decision more than 500 years ago set in course a series of migrations that led to my being born an American.  Had that not happened the family likely would have remained French.

This subject doesn't come up much when I talk with other people but it did a week ago when I got chatted up by a waiter at an Italian restaurant in Manhattan.  His name was Marcel and I noticed that it was French.  He then specified that he was a Huguenot and that spurred a discussion about the heritage we shared.  A rare conversation for me to have these days.  I was used to being around plenty of other French-American kids growing up in Western Massachusetts but being as they were all French-Canadian, they attended Mass while I had to go to Sunday School.  No one ever explained the reason for that to me until years later. 

Now things Huguenot don't figure centrally in my life but I have to smile when I happen to learn that a wine I love has a Huguenot link.  Who knew?

18 million cracks in the glass ceiling

So we finally know who the VP picks are:  Biden for Obama and Palin for McCain.  I'm not yet sure how I feel about Biden as a running mate for Obama, the candidate I'm supporting, but I can tell you how I feel about Palin.

No thank you.  Just because she's a woman doesn't mean she has my support.  Feminism is about freedom of choice and her values don't line up with mine. 

It's a nice little stunt the McCain campaign pulled trying to quote-unquote make history by putting up a woman as their VP candidate for the first time ever, yanking the headlines away from the DNC the very next day after Obama's acceptance speech.  I hope Hillary supporters, through their anger, see this for what it is.  Yes, we want to see the greater participation of women at higher levels of government.  But do you think Palin's going to come out pressing for ratification of the ERA - equal pay for equal work?  Do you think she's going to fight for LGBT rights?  Does she care deeply about rebuildling our badly damaged social safety net and addressing income inequality in this country?  How about universal health care?  Fighting for human rights and going after the international slave trade?  What kind of women's values does she champion? 

Palin tried to neatly co-opt Hillary's rhetoric upon introducing herself as the new GOP veep candidate, saying, "The women of America aren't done yet."  Speak for yourself but don't pretend you speak for me, Ms. Palin.  Don't you think it's patronizing how your party trotted you out -- here, now, after a strong, accomplished politician has concluded her run for the highest office in the land -- to win an election rather than as show its commitment to representing the majority of this country?

The Republicans have not broken any new ground in picking a woman for VP.  I'm old enough to remember Ferraro.  That was about 25 years ago.  It didn't make such a big impression on me then.  Maybe my mom would have a different take on that since she was an adult at the time.  Veep is different, though.  You know what made an impact on me as a little girl?  Shirley Chisholm's candidacy.  That's partly a local thing in my case because I grew up in South Hadley, MA and she taught at Mount Holyoke for several years after her run at the presidency.  We were all aware of her candidacy.  Admittedly I was young enough so as not to be all that politically conscious and it happened before I was even born but I remember being very proud that she'd run even if she hadn't made it as the official Democratic nominee.  That sort of thing does send a message to girls and young women as does Title IX, which has actually come under attack in recent years if you can believe that.

Here again, in 2008, we have women figuring prominently in the race for the White House.  While Hillary wasn't my candidate I think it does say a lot that McCain baldly pandered to women by putting a woman on his ticket.  Just because she's a woman.  I wonder what young women are taking away from this.  We can be genuinely proud that Hillary has normalized the idea of a woman running for the office of President of the United States.  She's right in claiming that her campaign has cracked the glass ceiling and I will celebrate when it finally shatters for good.  As a thirty-something woman having watched a steady procession of nothing but white, straight, mainly Protestant men since Chisholm and Ferraro's time, this means a lot to me.  As does Obama's candidacy for the same reason. 

I'll know we've made progress when next time it's not the gender or the race of the candidate that's making headlines but just the bold and visionary policies they put forward to restore the American dream for all people, putting us on a track to realize the incredible potential that we have as individuals and as a nation.  Just the issues - real issues, not sensational fluff bits like how many houses McCain has but rather how we're going to fix health care and education, get out of Iraq and repair our failing infrastructure.  Obama went into detail on this for the first time on Thursday night as he made history becoming the first African-American to be nominated for the highest office in the land.  The newspapers are buzzing about Sarah Palin now but I'm going to exercise freedom of choice and seek out more details on what he and his running mate Biden prescribe for getting us back on track.

Also, my thoughts and prayers are with the people of the Caribbean and the Gulf Coast.

My nemesis

Meet the humble ragweed.

The Interwebs tell me it's growing willy-nilly all over the place and fixing to make my life miserable over the next couple of weeks.  I know I started sneezing about a week ago.

You know what else?  My neighbors, in their love of things entropic, have let their, um, backyard descend into a pile of weed-dom and I'm pretty sure after viewing this image that good old ragweed is flourishing in there too.

Which would explain why I'm fine in my room with the AC on but as soon as I start hanging out in the living room, closer to where there's an open window overlooking the backyard, I start sneezing like crazy.

Thanks guys. 

ACHOO!

Three ball games in one week

 

I'm trying out the TypePad app for iPhone for the first time ever - moblogging comes to yours truly.  Got nothin' better to do since I'm on the DC2NY bus home to the Big Apple and we're not even out of Maryland yet.  It's this or the cheesy 800-page historical fiction novel Mom lent me.  I'm about 530 pages in and anticipating giving it a meh review of three stars.  But I digress.

Had a great, fantastic weekend with Christy in Annapolis.  Wish it didn't have to end so quickly.  We went out to a local waterfront restaurant with two of her friends on Friday night, then walked around Annapolis yesterday.  The center of town was cute and so were the Naval Academy boys in uniform (although jeez did they seem young - when did *that* happen?).  Got some interesting sushi for lunch. Escolar = oishii.  Rockfish, not so much.  Note to self: next time I'll just have it cooked.

Went to the Orioles-Yanks game at Camden Yards last night. It was a sellout crowd and the place was jumping.  I grabbed a microbrew that was pretty good although not as memorable as that Fat Tire I ran across in Santa Cruz earlier this month.  Got a marriage proposal from a Yankee fan about fifteen minutes after meeting him.  I think it was the fact that I knew a split-finger fastball from a knuckleball.  Or that he was crazy.  What kind of Yankee fan proposes to a Sox fan anyway?

There was an agitated, slightly drunk man wearing a pink shirt who looked like Chris Parnell a few rows deeper into the left field side of the stands.  He whooped the crowd up into doing the wave as if he were leading us into battle.  It was actually pretty impressive how Mr. Pink got the whole ballpark doing it.  Well done, slightly overly intense drunk superfan.

Last night's game was the second game I'd attended in a week, the last one being a thrilling Mets victory over the Braves at Shea on Tuesday night.  (I've adopted the Mets as my NL team after having lived in Queens for the past six years, but that's another post.)  Due to an impulsive fit of Sox fandom on my part I am now going to this Tuesday's Sox-Yankees game at Yankee Stadium.  It'll be their last series in the House That Ruth Built and I'll be there in my Sox regalia to drive the final nail in the coffin (just kidding... okay maybe not).  Can't wait.  Now that is an example of splurging on the right thing at the right time.  I know how awesome that's going to be for someone who's wired like me and therefore I am very happy to take a couple more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to work in order to make the magic possible.  So go Sox!  (And yay on the big win today against the Jays in extra innings!  Woot!)

So here we are rolling along the highway somewhere in Delaware now but I am already thinking about The Next Fun Thing.  More on the way now that I have the time to stop and smell the roses again.

The return of Electric Ladyland

I've taken an unscheduled hiatus from this blog for a while but guess what - I'm back!  Between then and now it's been an action-packed series of months.  The Cliffs Notes version:  a lot of hard work, a lot of hard times reconciling this stuff that happened to my mom.

The good news is that (knocking on wood) I think I can finally say the following:  the crazy-making work-centric life I've been living for the past three years has officially drawn to a close.  That is, according to me.  That's not to say I don't have plenty on my plate back at the office but it's not the same type of work as building an office or upgrading a critical database.  I have the time and the space to taste life again.  That means a lot more hanging out with friends, a lot more exploring the fun things I want to do on my own time, and of course some calm moments exploring what it is I'd like to be doing at this stage in my journey.  I've only been in this new phase for about a month so in all truth the dust is still settling and I'm only just now getting used to it.  I've been in go! go! go! mode for so long it takes some adjusting.  But so far, so good.

Some of the recent good times:  catching Brooklyn Cyclones games in the late afternoon sun at their ballpark in Coney Island, reconnecting with my mom's family in Texas on my first trip there in about 16 years (boy that is where the geeky roots are, lemme tell you!), quality time spent discovering fantastic restaurants in San Francisco and quiet moments at our family ranch on the California coast with my dad, and even something as simple as browsing the books at Kinokuniya this past Friday before meeting friends for Korean barbeque in K-Town.  Perhaps the best indicator that things have been good is that I bought a book on Friday and really dug into it over the weekend, finishing it Sunday night.

Life has been sweeter lately.  I've had time to cook (current passion: chilled Japanese summer noodle dishes such as hiyashi chuuka, somen and zaru soba) and tonight I'm sipping some divine chilled daiginjo sake with my rally cap on, watching those Red Sox I love so much.  This weekend I'm off to visit my buddy Christy in Annapolis (hello sailors!).  Tomorrow, while officially Thursday, is my Friday since I've got this Friday off from work.  In all, I do think I've been able to feel and really enjoy summer in all its glory for the first time in three years.  It took that long since last year was all about our San Francisco office move and the year before was all about our big NYC office renovation and move.  No more.

Now it's a little sake and a little Sox.  I like this.

More soon!