Having the hard conversations

Today I bit the bullet and initiated a hard conversation I could have opted not to have had at all.  I'd been thinking about it for a while, having that whole debate of "Do I do it now?  I don't want to get too emotional and I want to be constructive" versus "If I don't do it soon I'm probably never going to do it and I'll be pissed at myself for never having said anything" in my head.

Well, I went ahead and grappled with the discomfort of it all.  Glad I did.  I was upset but didn't go in guns blazing, getting all accusatory.  Instead, I asked if the person realized that I'd been unhappy during a couple of prior incidents and went from there.  They hadn't picked up on it, as it turns out, and were really sorry to hear that they'd upset me.  So we cleared the air and at the end of that talk I felt better than I have since maybe Thanksgiving.  A weight was lifted from my shoulders.  Our trust has been re-established and that's the key to keeping everything going in a positive direction.

When people get mad we often jump from (A) I'm Mad! directly to (B) And So-and-so Must Know!  So-and-so Doesn't Even Care!  That causal link is not in fact always there.  Glad I detected its absence.  It's all about good communication, doing a little detective work and finding out what's really going on. 

I'm still kind of wobbly, though.  Between this, my mom's cancer and finding out about a close friend's sudden diagnosis with cancer yesterday I'm reeling a bit.  Worried about them, hoping they're going to be all right.  Feeling helpless because it's their bodies that are at war with them and there's nothing I can do to fix that -- I just deal with bits and bytes all day. 

Just like Mom said the other day, we had a bit of vacation from our worries over the holidays because there was nothing that could be done -- the doctors weren't available for scheduling the surgery.  But now it's back on and I think we're both a little nervous now that a date has actually been set (now it's two weeks from tomorrow).  However, today's positive developments have renewed my belief that you can shine during these uncomfortable moments, even when you don't think you're handling them very well.  You've got to struggle on and wrestle with them a little in order to see the benefits later on.  It ain't pretty but it's worth it.

Comments

[eladyland]

Thanks sweetie! So do I. Things are looking pretty good so far. I'll keep you posted :)

[Mike]

Hey, I'm liking the "new" blog, but I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I hope everything turns out OK.